EMERGENCY ADVISORYFROST LEVEL: CATASTROPHICPENGUINS REPORTED IN PHOENIXSOUP RESERVES DEPLETINGDO NOT LICK ANY POLESREMAIN INDOORS, REMAIN INSULATEDEMERGENCY ADVISORYFROST LEVEL: CATASTROPHICPENGUINS REPORTED IN PHOENIXSOUP RESERVES DEPLETINGDO NOT LICK ANY POLESREMAIN INDOORS, REMAIN INSULATEDEMERGENCY ADVISORYFROST LEVEL: CATASTROPHICPENGUINS REPORTED IN PHOENIXSOUP RESERVES DEPLETINGDO NOT LICK ANY POLESREMAIN INDOORS, REMAIN INSULATED
I.B.I.F.
Live broadcast · International Bureau of Imminent Frost

The next ice age
is next Tuesday.

Officials urge calm, sweaters, and the immediate purchase of one (1) emotionally supportive yak. This is a verified* advisory from authoritative-sounding people.

440
Days
12
Hours
42
Minutes
53
Seconds

Estimated time until your tap water becomes a popsicle.

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Briefing index

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News Desk

Real-time fictional reports from frozen correspondents.

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Survival Protocol

Six government-approved absurdities to survive Tuesday.

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Threat Map

Live frost zones, pulsing menacingly across the globe.

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Bunker Reservations

Pre-book your subterranean accommodations now.

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