EMERGENCY ADVISORYFROST LEVEL: CATASTROPHICPENGUINS REPORTED IN PHOENIXSOUP RESERVES DEPLETINGDO NOT LICK ANY POLESREMAIN INDOORS, REMAIN INSULATEDEMERGENCY ADVISORYFROST LEVEL: CATASTROPHICPENGUINS REPORTED IN PHOENIXSOUP RESERVES DEPLETINGDO NOT LICK ANY POLESREMAIN INDOORS, REMAIN INSULATEDEMERGENCY ADVISORYFROST LEVEL: CATASTROPHICPENGUINS REPORTED IN PHOENIXSOUP RESERVES DEPLETINGDO NOT LICK ANY POLESREMAIN INDOORS, REMAIN INSULATED
I.B.I.F.
Section B

Survival Protocol

Compiled by experts. The experts have asked not to be named, contacted, or held responsible.

Directive #01

Befriend a yak

Emotional support and excellent insulation. Win-win.

Directive #02

Stockpile soup

All of it. Every kind. Even the weird ones. Especially the weird ones.

Directive #03

Negotiate with penguins

They have inside information. Bring sardines.

Directive #04

Practice shivering posture

Knees bent, dignity intact. 20 reps daily.

Directive #05

Befriend extinct mammoths

They aren't around, but it's the thought that counts.

Directive #06

Learn to nap aggressively

Hibernation is a skill. Start training now.

Directive #07

Hoard candles, ignore the fire code

Ambiance is survival. The inspector understands.

Directive #08

Memorize one entire novel

For morale. Preferably something long and Russian.

Directive #09

Build an emotional support igloo

It doesn't need to be structurally sound. It needs to be loved.