EMERGENCY ADVISORYFROST LEVEL: CATASTROPHICPENGUINS REPORTED IN PHOENIXSOUP RESERVES DEPLETINGDO NOT LICK ANY POLESREMAIN INDOORS, REMAIN INSULATEDEMERGENCY ADVISORYFROST LEVEL: CATASTROPHICPENGUINS REPORTED IN PHOENIXSOUP RESERVES DEPLETINGDO NOT LICK ANY POLESREMAIN INDOORS, REMAIN INSULATEDEMERGENCY ADVISORYFROST LEVEL: CATASTROPHICPENGUINS REPORTED IN PHOENIXSOUP RESERVES DEPLETINGDO NOT LICK ANY POLESREMAIN INDOORS, REMAIN INSULATED
I.B.I.F.
Section D

Bunker Reservations

All bunkers are located in undisclosed locations, including some we have personally forgotten. Reservations are first-come, first-shivered.

Budget

The Crawlspace

$49/ apocalypse
  • 1 person, ideally short
  • Communal candle
  • Optional emotional support potato
Popular

The Igloo Suite

$249/ apocalypse
  • Family of 4 (including pets)
  • Heated rug, possibly
  • Soup pantry stocked daily
  • Wi-fi (intermittent, like ours)
Premium

The Mammoth Estate

$9,999/ apocalypse
  • Full yak concierge service
  • Personal penguin advisor
  • Library of 1 Russian novel
  • Private hot cocoa stream

FAQ #1: Is this real?

Define "real." The bunkers exist in our hearts and, allegedly, in a field outside Boise.

FAQ #2: Can I bring my houseplant?

Yes, but be aware it may attempt to leave on its own (see News Desk).